twelve stories up


me and my laptop and some precious creative time

Ask me anything

Love

It isn’t the flush of romance, not the wine and flowers, not the calls/texts/emails….. It’s the compassionate and caring regard for the other, irrespective of mood, circumstance, adjacency, and the opinion of others……

I love the bf because at my very core all I wish is the best for him, it’s not about me. Interesting eh? Love ….. Full stop

Truthful Tuesday

1. Work 95% complete, now my job is to rebuild yoga practise and start pumping some iron.

2. The clean out and purge starts at the office as I prepare to move it home when daughter leaves, new era approaches

3. Must accept the new era in a positive mind set, sad though, daughter will be missed

4. BF ……. Should know shortly when he will return with his vehicle and some belongings ….. Still revert to wondering and insecurities ….. Will this happen? Overlap as he arrives and daughter leaves will be interesting, tick tock life marches on …. Ever changing, unified only by the breath……

Reflections on Easter Sunday 2014

I’ll spare you the green tea mug shot and jump immediately to reflections.

1. Lots of cooking, which I enjoyed.

2. Hung over “guests” three twenty year olds….

3. Many awkward silences, you could tell the German exchange student guest just wanted to puke, but politely forced the food down.

4. Mild brother sister bickering as we semi seriously rib her about moving to Europe.

5. Mother and son just feeling loss as their already tiny family dissolves

6. The end of one era, but the hopeful new beginning of another….. Bf is super family oriented and delighted to integrate his crew here with mine, bring on the step crew! Hopefully a better fit than the last try.

Life is funny that way and better lived with a positive spin.

Tagged: life passageslove and positivity

Happy Fertility Day and 4/20 for those who care…..

Next era begins…….

Daughter is all done with university, got straight A’s this term and now has her degree YAY! She’s moving home for six weeks, then going to Sasquatch and then moving to Germany for a year, at least, or maybe for life, cause she and the German bf are madly in love……I sure hope not, I always pictured her and I coparenting her offspring, not some German strangers.

Tomorrow she’s back, the dog will be happy, I will be bitter sweetly happy, I am proud of her, but not so much into “the daughter gone for good” phase which might be beginning ……..

my new era is also beginning, the bf called from Alberta and we talked and all is well, i get so insecure so quickly owing to old emotional baggage, lucky I only tell you tumblr guys and gals about those moments, rather than taking to dumping it on him….

thank you xoxoxo

Tagged: empty nestemotional baggage

The experience of love….

I am in love and man oh man is it interesting to go through the emotions that come with a long distance relationship.

I can feel myself shutting down, going into emotional self protection mode after his departure on Monday night.

I know the cure, send love and light my way, his way and concentrate on making each moment count fully, 100% for me, positively.

It’s so close to the end of contracts at work, the last gasps from the QA folks … I am tired and burned out from this past 18 months, actually, three years…. I am pleased that I am getting to know myself better…..

The key is to just feel…… Don’t judge, but to know that I have the power to change my mind….. Always

Tagged: you can always change your mind

The mind game…..

Boy it’s amazing what the mind can do to itself. Every time my friend leaves for home, on day two I go through this self questioning phase, I’m in it, deleting texts, and figuring I’ll never hear from him again.

I understand, as a child I could never trust peace and happiness, because it was never sustained. So it’s natural that the object of my love should be viewed with distrust once the hands on part is over and there is a period of silence….

Cause after the silence there was always tension and abuse, the child in me is awaiting that…… The yogi in me is “letting it go, returning to the present moment and being happy”….. It’s a struggle.

Hiatus cause of the boyfriend….. Haha

Apologies to one of my tumblr favs…. Just spent a blissful week and being in love is the best feeling ever!

The weather has been awesome, the company very sweet….. However, it’s back to my old life for a few weeks with the knowledge that I am loved and am loving… So happy and grateful and amazed ….

Fell off the yoga wagon, haha right after I signed up for teacher training… I’ll get it together…. It’s all good

Cherry blossom time

It’s a funny time of year, l feel so special walking under those arching boughs, usually feeling the flush of romantic love.

Last year was horrible, the ex and his painful yoyo with his feelings about me….. And as the blossoms fell so did the romantic veil.

This year again, the blooming, love in my heart and soul. Today I feel fear that it will fall with the blossoms again….. A little cold place has emerged in my soul.