I have been on a serious “roll” since returning from Europe. Socializing, drinking, meetings boys, dancing….whooping it up. All the things my trip didn’t manifest.
I went to a party on Saturday night out at a friend’s in the country. I invited Bikram boy, but fortunately he seemed to have legitimate other plans (always expecting the “let down” the “lie”).
Soooooooo glad I went solo with my truck prepared for an over night camp out.
I had woken up sat am at 4:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I had body work done (Heller work, like Rolfing) at 10 am where she dug deep into the facia of my formerly frozen shoulder….it was gooooood.
Then another afternoon party with coworkers….then off to the country….
I went to bed after dancing my ass off for like six hours to the live excellent band and had so much fun totally as myself.
Thank god I didn’t have a new guy in tow. The party was a gong show, I fit right in.
Stayed up til 4 am…..so that meant I had been up 24 hrs on Saturday……crashed in my truck…..then drove home and worked Sunday afternoon……incredible.
Thirty day challenge starts today. Not a moment too soon.
Bikram boy says he will call me for a date……wouldn’t that just be the icing on the cake?
Had my “walk” date with Bikram guy. I have the hots for him.
We walked for two and a half hours all along the classic “date walk” along Dallas Road. Starting with a glorious sunset and ending with a spectacular electrical storm in the pitch black in the distance.
We walked in the total darkness of the tree shrouded path, it was good.
He plays his cards close, but obviously isn’t a flake. We are the same age and both are from saskatchewan and share the same “acid fried greaser” youth experience. he hasn’t dated much or had sex since his divorce two years ago…..bingo bango bongo…..we both agree that our Bikram practice is our first love. He practices at a different studio, which relieves all awkwardness.
I got two hugs and an ask for another date on the weekend. I was ready to tear off his clothes and have sweaty yoga sex right there and then……whoa nelly whoa!
Back to the sweat shop after five weeks of self indulgence with food and booze. It felt GREAT!
Told the studio owner that I would like him to sponsor me for teacher training in April. Woot……goals and objectives!
Thirty day challenge starts Monday.
I LOVE that practice and feel so blessed to have such an awesome studio to practice in.
1. The Bikram guy I met on Saturday night that I danced with called! We have a “walk” date planned. YIKES. IRL meeting and date, what a concept. At least I know I won’t run upon first sight.
2. Actually feel good about getting back to work. Gotta pay for that very indulgent vacation.
3. I did come back different, my brain seems to work better, I am relaxed and at peace.
4. It’s raining and humid and my feet are not happy about getting into shoes…..first yoga tonight should be good and slimy sweating out sun screen and a month of dead skin…..hold that thought readers and have a great day! Xoxoxox
Mugshot Monday ….. Must have been a good vacation cause the office feels great!
Yoga again soon! YES THIS!
I knew that I was coming to a party place. The first night the pounding endless groove beat emanating from the beach clubs below ended at midnight, no biggy.
Last night/this morning it ended at 7:45 am! Oye veh! But it’s stopped now and I have my quiet little paradise back til 4:30 pm when it all starts again.
This puts all my yoga attitude to the test. “Where ever you go, there you are” ……. Yep I am in a heavenly place……”don’t let anyone or anything steal your peace”….. I will work on that, damn you partying youth of Europe.
I walked up into the hills last night and found goats grazing, ancient stone fences, caves carved out of the rocks. Poor little mikonos, trashed with noise pollution, invasive weeds, and zillions of youth zooming around on quads.
The local taverna owner told me the story of the early economy here which was based on a native wheat which was ground in those famous wind mills and baked into hard bread and sold to sailors. This sustained the local people and economy for eons.
Then it all changed when the Russians came and brought their wheat to mill here and with it invasive weed seeds. Then they made it illegal to grow the native grain and replaced it with the more productive Russian grains. That original grain is now an extinct, extirpated species.
The weeds out competed the grain, other grasses, herbs and shrubs, olive trees and the local conifer, which appears to be some kind of Juniper. The bread trade based economy went “south” and the goats that the people needed for sustenance took care of the rest of the native vegetation.
A sad story for such a beautiful place. I really like it here.
Day thirteen of yoga, usually the hump day of a thirty day challenge. I am tired and emotional. Mopped up the last of my work stuff today after class. Cleared all the photos off my phone.
The photos are in chronological order, each one evokes a memory of my emotional state at the time of photography. They brought up stuff. Back to grief to mourning, I am so tired of this state. Where is the anger and rage and hatred? Why all these tears and grief now?
I don’t want to take this sad head on my holiday, I want a break. I don’t want to return to this state. I want to be free.
Is this trip going to help get me there or will it be a gigantic wasted experience of being reminded of loss? Even if it is loss of a bad unhealthy relationship ? Is it going to be hyper awareness of couples and their happy holidays? Me alone, as usual, clinging onto my kids to get a life?
I know it’s the yoga bringing this up, this deep dark sadness, it’s the exhaustion of months of six and seven day work weeks, it’s the disappointment of yet another idiot encounter of the male kind….it’s not eating enough, it’s a bunch of things….
Enough said, I am excited, just all tuckered out physically and emotionally.
1. On the fifth day I will leave here and throw myself into something completely unknown.
2. On the fourth day I will pack four shorts, four tops, one dress one hoodie, underwear, face chemicals to keep me young and go to yoga.
3. On the third day I will go to yoga, rest and get a pedicure.
4. On the second day I will work and clean my bathroom drawers and go to yoga
5. On the first day I will finish god damned f’ing QA buy Euros and go to yoga.
every time I reject another male I go through a mini depression and now I get into my feelings more than I ever have in my life….lucky I work alone, sometimes I am dancing, sometimes I am weeping….its all the same, its just FEELING…..for so many years I just did AVOIDING feelings….
Day 11 of my mini yoga challenge….wept through class yesterday because it was a karma class and a young woman with cystic fibrosis started the class by thanking us for our donations…..tearssssss for the first hour….I do have a great life and am so lucky….
Just a few more days until my complete and utter change of scenery, I so need it. This past two and a half years sucked balls in a big way. I hope a month away gives me some hope for the future……
I am working way too hard to get everything done for the clients, those lucky bastards…..
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